Sunday, August 18, 2013

Thoughts and Ramblings

Hello, it has been long since I post about things which are not beauty-related. I miss writing of my random thoughts and I will do it again after being 'hidden' all these years.

WARNING: unlike any other beauty posts, this post will contain much more words than pictures. 

So, I've been a very-closed person back then. Used to be so open, so cheerful like during senior high until junior year in college. But snap! Something happened. Not necessarily something which broke me down, no. It's just another punch in the face which finally knocked me down because I ran out of energy. I was never the same after that. I started to build my own walls in order to protect myself from being hurt.

And I remember what my friend; Jenni said. Well, just like any other animal with hard shell, they are so fragile inside. And so are people. And so is me. I was really, really terrified by the idea of opening up to others. Because open up means letting others know your weaknesses and fears. And I couldn't bear the pain for the second time. Once was more than enough to brought me down.

And no, I'm not talking about person. I'm talking about myself and the idea of being hurt. 

I was so lost and I was looking for myself. I want to find myself.

Yes, more than 20 years of breathing and I haven't find myself yet.

I want to find myself and I want to find what I have to do with my life.

I did crazy, silly, even dangerous things just to find myself. I have to say I was lucky not to fall to the dark side of the world. I knew how to stop. That's what I am proud of myself.

One of the crazy things I've done is traveling alone. Not so crazy, eh? But at least it's crazy for the people surround me. When they knew that I traveled alone, or going to travel alone they said like "Are you crazy?" or "You could ended up being raped" and so many horrible things and prophecies follow..

But I'm not, and I found a piece of myself there. In traveling. In having my own solo journey. Meeting strangers I never thought I could met. Sleeping in someone else's house through internet. Or even having a deep talk about life and beliefs with strangers. I am blessed.

Life's much better after that. And now, I find myself a lot of better than before. It's like finally coming out a very dark, long cave after years of isolation. I find a light, so bright that I could see properly. But though I squint, I slowly open my eyes and I can see a bit of world now. I will continue to open my eyes until I can see it all clearly.

And yes, I'll write about this kind of things regularly. Thoughts and feelings.

Till then, bye.

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